We can choose how we want to show up right now. 

I know this sounds like gobbledygook self-help nonsense, but seriously, hear me out… I promise I can explain.  

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression cycles since I was a teenager, and it led to me developing a black-belt in learning how to cope under the duress my brain has imposed upon me. I don’t always win my battles with anxiety, but my percentage of thriving has greatly increased in the last couple of years because I’ve been doing the hard work it takes to hold myself to a higher standard. I made a deal with myself that while I can feel all sorts of different ways, I will act according to the way I have decided. 

When you have anxiety and/or depression, part of your ongoing self-care is realizing that your lens on life might be a bit foggy. It’s so easy to let worries, fears and anxiety jump into the driver’s seat and wreck your life. What I have learned over time is that my “stress response” actually does not need to be my response. Personally, I had to learn to ask myself challenging clarifying questions like, “is my anxiety running the show, or am I?” 

So many people conceptually understand this philosophy but are fundamentally confused on how to execute it daily… just like I struggled with for years. Here’s how it happens. 

We decide we are going to be our best selves now. “This is MY year. The year I make all the changes. The Year I Do The Big Project I Put Off. The year I lose the weight.” And then… 

Life happens. 

The market crashes. We’re laid off. Someone gets sick. The dog throws up. Your house is a mess. 

It is from this place that we start having knee-jerk reactions to life. We start getting tossed around by life like a boat that is lost at sea, enraged and embittered that things did not go our way. It is from this place that we not only start letting life happen to us, but we start letting the darkest moments of fate shape our character into something we can hardly recognize. 

Life is happening. Sh*t happens. We enter a recession every decade it seems. Metaphorical and literal storms happen. Jobs come and go. Nothing is guaranteed. Now that you know the truth, how will you choose to show up? 

We all have to go through a lot of the same struggles to varying degrees. No matter how beautiful and outrageously blessed your life has been, you will be thrown some horrific curveballs. Welcome to the human experience.  We can choose to run from these moments of struggle (sometimes seasons of struggle) by numbing our pain through maladaptive responses (letting our anxiety or other diagnosis run our lives) or we can let it forge our character into a stronger, more resilient, more empathetic and connected human. You have to walk through the struggle either way, so why not get something out of it? 

DECIDE how you want to show up and act that way. Who are you showing up as in this crisis? Do you constantly need to be bolstered by other people? Are you glued to the news? Are you the fear-monger among your friends? 

Or are you showing up to have meaningful, honest conversations? Are you taking deep breaths before you have hard conversations so you don’t lash out at other people? 

Here’s the trick: there is no wrong answer. Wherever you are right now - you can turn the boat around for at least 15 minutes a day. Turn off the news. Make a healthy lunch. Take a bath. Call a friend and provide encouragement or just listen. You could decide it’s time to finally seek counseling. 

Make one small decision in the direction of the person you want to be. 

Want to change jobs? Contact 3 people that might be able to help. Want to lose the quarantine weight? Do a simple home workout. 

You are going to have a range of experiences and emotions through this global pandemic - it would be weird if you didn’t. But we get to pause and decide if we want to act on those emotions, or if we need to pivot. That moment - that pause - is critical to our well-being not just in this crisis, but in every single challenging moment that lays ahead. 

Right now, you are training yourself how to react during future challenges. In the face of obstacles you can either grow or shrink - but there is no third magical option. There is no “eject” button to get you out of this crisis. We can’t fast forward or jump cut to our glorious future. The only way out is through the muck. 

I’ll be honest - showing up regardless of how you feel sometimes really, really sucks. Yesterday, I just laid down for 45 minutes because I was exhausted after learning some terrible news. I was deeply saddened and grieved the loss of a previous “normal”. Today, I had to show up for my spouse at an appointment and got to have a really meaningful conversation. Every day is an opportunity to practice being the person I want to be… some days this practice will feel effortless, other days it will feel like slogging through wet concrete. Here’s my ask of you: will you practice with me? Will you risk failing at this with me? Will you navigate the ups and downs of trying to do your best during this crisis? We are all in this together, so let’s hold each other accountable to show up the best we can each and every day. 

In love and light, 

Katherine