Welcome to the 2020 Masterclass in Mental Toughness.
Whether we like it or not, hidden in the muck of this year is an incredible opportunity for each of us to receive an ivy-league quality education in overcoming adversity. While this is a class that none of us wanted, we have all been enrolled.
Like everyone else this year, I’ve had my ups and downs. I’d be dishonest if I said this year has been anything but a bizarre series of emotional and financial rollercoasters. Plans for more performing dashed, industries collapsed with no clear recovery in sight, salary cuts for my family across the board, financial goals delayed, gyms closed. While this pandemic has been devastating for so many people around the world, and especially in the U.S., for me personally, the pandemic doesn’t even make the cut of the top five worst moments I’ve had to live through. While I wouldn’t wish some of these life experiences on anyone, the gift in living through so much hardship earlier in life is that it has given me the perspective of a much older person. It has also given me plenty of practice (like, a lot) to navigate challenging circumstances and emerge intact on the other side. Of all of the tools, practices, and techniques I’ve used to navigate life - the one philosophy that I find is perfectly suited to guide us through this unique moment in history is Stoicism. Regardless of your personal beliefs, religious inclinations (or lack thereof), Stoic philosophy can either provide a better framework with which to view the world, or expand and deepen what you already believe.
Now, I’m going to make a bold promise: studying and daily practice of this philosophy can help you pass this masterclass with flying colors and come out of this year wiser, stronger and more creative than ever before.
When we hear about “mental toughness”, we typically think about “mountaintop” moments. Our minds immediately summon images of big, heroic moments like a cinematic climb up Kilimanjaro, the olympian who overcomes a crippling injury and stands on the podium, or the frontline worker fighting to save lives. While all of these moments are admirable, they are not merely tough “moments”, but rather the culmination of a mentally tough approach to life.
The philosophy of stoicism teaches that “toughness” isn’t built in one shining moment of glory. It’s built over the course of all of the seemingly mundane moments, days, and weeks that you decided to keep showing up and keep doing your best with the task put in front of you.
The one inconvenient piece of information that no one wants to mention is that mental toughness is a muscle built over time, through deliberate - and sometimes excruciating - practice.
Though my personal life circumstances dictated that I develop grit in order to survive mentally, I had done so primarily out of necessity and not always by choice. My introduction to stoicism was back in 2017, when I read The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. From there, books like Seneca’s On the Shortness of Life to Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations opened my mind to the concept of reframing struggle into opportunity. It also helped me codify my rules for life - my “emergency response” plan if you will. Prior to studying stoicism, I had always held out hope that perhaps - one day - life would eventually get easier. Reading the words of Marcus Aurelius helped me realize how futile and dangerous that desire is and how it keeps each of us stoke in an endless loop of dashed hopes and suffering.
The philosophy itself can be a lot to take in, and even more challenging to practice - and I understand that it is less than appealing at first glance. The very definition of a “stoic” is: “a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.” It is at this juncture that two things should be clear about this philosophy:
It lacks the marketing appeal necessary for a NYT best-seller.
It’s hard to practice, but necessary.
The philosophy itself is practical, empowering and incredibly useful because it was developed by men from all walks of life. Marcus Aurelius was an emperor who fought through countless wars, Epictetus was born a slave, and Seneca was subjected to countless political infighting, exile, and ultimately forced to commit suicide. Born out of such a pedigree, it’s not surprising that one of the core principles of stoicism is to embrace obstacles rather than rage against them. As Marcus Aurelius said, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way, becomes the way.” While this might seem frustratingly counterintuitive, it’s not - especially right now. We can either stare into the abyss of our broken dreams, or use whatever we have in front of us to pivot, and fight another day.
So how can we practice stoicism in order to get stronger? How do we practice becoming mentally tough? We can do 3 simple things to practice every day:
Turn what you already do into an intentional practice.
Since March, we’ve all been adapting out of necessity to scary and rapid changes that affect our work, home life, health and general welfare. What if we chose to look at the seemingly mundane and frustrating tasks as practice, as a chance to toughen our mindset? If you got up this morning and just had a regular day - you’ve likely faced countless opportunities to attend to the task at hand with as much equanimity and grace as possible.
2. Get clear on what is in your control, and what is not.
The more time we spend looking down a dark hole of “things we cannot control”, the more energy we lose for the things that are in our control. We can’t control the economy, the election, reopening phases and what industries get left out, other people and their opinions, traveling rules and regulations, and countless other things both general and personal, but we can decide what the next best right action is from where we stand. Our options might not be great, but we can still learn to make the best of it. When we release the habit of scrolling doomsday news feeds, getting into twitter battles, and angrily un-friending and blocking people on Facebook, we actually have more energy to handle what really needs attention in our life.
3. Find the opportunity in the obstacle
You might hate this advice. I imagine you saying something like, “who does she think she is?” And I get that. But, I also know that I desperately needed this reminder a few months ago, and you might need the reminder now.
If you don’t have an obvious opportunity in front of you - just like I didn’t earlier this year - I encourage you to keep looking. Shake the dust off your mental walls if you need to. Go for a walk, paint your apartment, start a hobby. And if you start to feel like the answer or the opportunity just isn’t there for you at all, flood your brain with examples of people who had to come up with creative solutions to solve big problems and you will start to think in a sharper way about your own situation. I promise.
If you truly can’t find an opportunity for yourself, it might be time to start creating your own luck and building your own opportunity. What project have you always wanted to do? What dream has been shelved? It might be time to revisit old desires and goals and see if anything still resonates with you on a soul level.
Whether we use this year to grow despite the obstacles or give in to mental defeat, but remember this: you have to go through the inevitable pain of this year either way. Each of us can choose to rail against Fate and our circumstances, or practice the principles outlined here. Ultimately, the choice is up to the individual. It’s up to you.
Either way, class is in session.